Why do some people always experience the same events, always complain about the same situations? Why does the situation or event they complain about always repeat itself? Why does it constantly ruin their lives like an eternal curse, an unchangeable destiny? Why does it always happen from the beginning full of pain? Why do all the men who enter her life leave that woman? Why do all the women who enter her life belittle that man? What makes a woman who falls in love with men who will always leave her, or a man who finds women who will belittle him attractive, do these things? How can they escape this vicious cycle?
THE SONG OF THE SIRENS
In Greek mythology, Sirens are female sea creatures with bird-like wings and fish-like tails, believed to live on an island. The Sirens’ island is surrounded by deep cliffs and steep rocks. The Sirens draw sailors to their island by singing their beautiful songs. When the sailors, enchanted by their magnificent songs, approach the island, their ships crash into the rocks and the sailors become prey for the Sirens. Only Odysseus and his friends managed to escape the Sirens. As they approached the Sirens’ island with their ships, attracted by the Sirens’ songs, the Great Goddess Circe called out to them and said: “Odysseus, beware of the enchanting voices of the Sirens. Whoever listens to them without knowing it is burned, and neither his wife nor his children will welcome him home again… Don’t stop there, keep walking! Plug your friends’ ears with beeswax so that they don’t hear the Sirens’ voices. Let them tie you upright by your arms and legs to the central pole and you just listen to those voices. But if you beg your friends to untie you, they will tie you even tighter to the mast…” So Odysseus plugs the ears of the others on the ship with beeswax and has himself tied to the mast. In this way, his friends are saved from falling into the Sirens’ trap and from death, since they cannot hear the Sirens’ voices and he is tied.
THE COMPULSION TO REPEAT THE PAST
The past also calls us like Sirens… We drift away from the present and the present moment, as if enchanted, without thinking about anything, towards the island we can never reach because it is surrounded by cliffs and rocks, that is, the past, without realizing it… Then we abandon ourselves to dangerous waters… These dangerous waters are mostly our close relationships… We try to relive what we have experienced in the past over and over again in every new relationship… Because instead of entering uncharted waters, we return to familiar waters, even if they are dangerous, because the outcome is predictable. Relationships that we think are a new beginning are actually our familiar life scenarios that the sirens of the past call and draw us into. Even if the actors, decorations, and locations change, the scenario always remains the same. In psychological terms, this scenario is called “ the compulsion to repeat the past” … The past continues to shape, limit, and hinder the present and the future by constantly repeating itself. The present becomes an endless repetition of the past, and our hope for the future disappears.
BEING TRAPPED IN A LIFE SCENARIO
Our family heritage, the family we were born into and grew up in, our childhood experiences, the traumas we experienced, our ways of coping with negative emotions and our defense mechanisms, and the ways we perceive the behavior of adults and peers, among many factors, form the main outline of our life script during the 0-7 age period. Our life script, reinforced by our parents and strengthened by experiences that will justify our beliefs throughout life, has a deep and powerful effect on our lifestyle as adults. It contains ingrained patterns, whether positive or negative, and determines the decisions we make, how we see ourselves and our abilities, and how we behave. When we feel negative emotions such as stress, anxiety, and anger, we repeat what is familiar and what makes us feel safe, and of course we act instinctively from our unconscious, without knowing what we are repeating. Although we do not want to react this way, our life script has created a pattern that is familiar to us. Reacting differently, even if it is more positive, makes us feel foreign. People find comfort and security in what is familiar. For example, we often choose the same meal at the same restaurant. There is no risk of choosing a taste that we know and are familiar with from among the many options on the menu, such as not liking the taste and being hungry because we can't eat it, or paying for it even though we can't fill our stomachs, which can happen if we choose something different. On the other hand, our life script has the power to sabotage ourselves. We may think that we want to be very rich, meet the person of our dreams, or be successful in business. However, if the theme of our life script is poverty, rejection, or failure, we cannot experience anything different. Because we unconsciously reject everything that will take us away from these patterns or beliefs and imprison ourselves in our life script, in a way, we are carried away by the magical voice of the Sirens.
NOT A PRISONER OF THE PAST BUT AN EXPLORER OF THE FUTURE
Life scripts are often developed by infants, children, adolescents, and even adults as a way to cope with the disruptions in relationships with significant others that repeatedly fail to meet developmentally based vital needs. There is a cyclical relationship between our life script and the compulsion to repeat the past, because we unconsciously want to relive our past relationship patterns and traumas in order to heal and find peace. Our soul, which has been damaged and repaired due to childhood traumas that we could not resolve with our child mind and locked away in the depths of our unconscious, wants to relive this cycle over and over again, to regain control over the uncontrollable, and to find a solution to our past helplessness now. We look for players who fit our life script or become part of life scripts that have roles that are just right for us. No matter how painful and destructive they are, we enter these relationships and try to end our past pain. However, since we do not do this consciously, we become victims of our life script, just like sailors who fall prey to the spell of the Sirens' songs. However, if we, like Odysseus, tie ourselves to the pole of reason, that is, if we make our choices accordingly by knowing what we experience with conscious awareness and evaluating its consequences, we can escape the dark waters of the past. By creating new forms of existence and relationships that are not based on the patterns in our life script, we become explorers of our future instead of being prisoners of our past.
LIVING A LIFE WORTH THE PAIN
Being stuck in a cycle of repeating the past and not being able to get out of the life scenario develops the belief that the future will be full of pain and unhappiness. Of course, life contains pain as much as happiness, and perhaps the only pain that can be prevented is the pain that comes from trying to avoid pain. Our goal in life is not to not suffer, but to live a life worth the pain. It is not to feel good, but to feel everything in the context of a meaningful life. Instead of always making life easy and enjoyable, it is to feel the value of overcoming obstacles and accept that life is worth living in every way, even if it is a difficult struggle.
