While modern life allows children to grow up more sterile, it can cause them to stay away from social life.
In today's conditions, most mothers are working. For this reason, children's lives are rapidly moving away from the protective aura of the home environment and neighborhood culture. The socialization environment, which starts with kindergartens at the age of 2-3, continues with kindergarten and other school environments. Thus, the child meets his peers and rules more quickly. These socialization environments are also necessary for the development of the child.
It is necessary to observe the child in their natural environment. So it is helpful to visit and observe your child while they are in the nursery or playing at school. However, when making these observations, it is also important to cooperate with your child's teacher and institution management.
Parents should regularly play games with their children. For this time period to really benefit your child, you must be with your child with your soul as well as with your mind. I observe that parents who perceive playing with their children as a duty are not able to communicate well.
Parent's observations during the game guide many issues. You can get an idea about how the child communicates with his peers based on his attitudes while playing. It can be thought that he expects some of the attitudes he expects from his parents from his friend. For example, obedience.However, it should not be forgotten that in the presence of the parent, the child does not completely exhibit the attitude of his / her communication with his / her friend.
It is also very important for parents to communicate with their child's friends after the age of six. But the most important thing is to actively listen to your child. A loving friend of your child ensures that very important situations in his or her life turn out to be positive. Therefore, actively listen to your child's close friends as well. I recommend you to have warm relations with them.
While communicating, you should make sure that the questions you ask are encouraging, not guiding. It is useful to take care that your body language is sincere and without prejudice.
What are the reasons why children find it difficult to make friends?
Relationships with peers differ by age. For this reason, the reasons for strain also differ. But basically, the child needs social skills and communication skills to make friends. In addition to these, his self-confidence and high self-esteem enable him to solve the problems he encounters in relations with his friends. Thus, the child makes himself accepted in the environments he is present.
In order for the child to be self-confident, it is very important to give the child responsibility at home. A child who does not encounter boundaries at home may behave incompatible when confronted with boundaries outside of the family. It can model the form of communication between parents or a relative within the family. Growing up in a house where one side always wins in conflict, a child can constantly use defensive language, whether to win or lose.Someone who does not have good experience in developing close relationships with people really needs someone's help, understanding, and compassion to develop positive practices.
Sometimes, a child or adolescent with purely positive experiments and self-confidence may find it difficult to adapt to peer relationships. Growing up and exploring changes, having a body that changes every year is a different experience anyway.
Also, if several changes occur in the child's life at the same time, difficulties in the adaptation process are normal. For example, the child of a family who moved from a small city to a city like Istanbul has changed both the city culture, school and home. In other words, he set out to leave his site or neighborhood friends, his beloved elders in the city he came from, his teachers, and his schoolmates and to restructure all these relations. It will take time to adapt. Sometimes it makes the child anxious and angry in the situation that caused the move; like parents separation.
The important thing is to overcome the strain and adaptation process with the least damage. Providing coaching and psychological support during this period makes the child's life easier. Increases coping power. It strengthens its relations with the environment.
Life sometimes limits children, confronts them with restrictions, and can be very cruel. In these situations, active listening of parents, sometimes grandparents, and teachers is a very important tool to help them accept limits and adapt to the harsh realities of life.
Feeling heard and understood, the child can learn to express all his emotions over time and manage to cope with his negative emotions. However, through active listening, parents learn a new way to react to the anger and hostile emotions that children often feel when they don't get something they want.Is it possible for a child who has a good relationship and communication with the mother, me and other family members also has difficulty in making friends?
A child who is not anxious to be accepted at home and among other family members may be a very faint child at school. Children also exhibit different attitudes according to places and people. In this case it would be a mistake to ignore the problem.
What other psychological conditions can be observed in children who have difficulty making friends?
Some of them may have pathological problems such as school failure, nail biting, hair plucking, school phobia, and behavioral problems at school. Sometimes tics and even test anxiety can also occur. The important thing is to observe children and adolescents. This is because children who are severely excluded by their peers may experience delinquency, depression, hyperactivity and attention problems due to depression, and even suicidal tendencies.
How can parents help their children with their friendship problems?
Parents can first review their relationship with the child. What kind of communication language he uses with his child, what kind of communication language is used by the spouses… Giving orders and giving advice constitute a large part of the problems that occur during mutual communication. We react with stereotypes, especially when interpreting children's behavior. However, the important thing is to separate behaviors, judgments and emotions. The most important thing is to be able to talk about emotions. How many times a day do you tell your child "do / don't", how often "what happened to you today that made you happy / unhappy?" you ask?
What can be done to motivate children when their attempts to make friends fail?
Individual characteristics of children are effective in making friends. Children who are intelligent, cooperative, friendly and sensitive to the needs of other children are more easily accepted in the social environment. In this case, asking questions that will make the child realize their good qualities strengthens the child. It can also help the child support and develop feelings of empathy, kindness, social cohesion, and self-limitation. The child is told that making friends is a skill that can be learned.
At what stage should a specialist be consulted?
I think applying to a specialist for psychological support and family counseling support should be like going to your dentist for the care of your non-decaying tooth. It should be done before major problems arise. The important thing is to receive developmental and preventive counseling support and raise healthy individuals. Receiving short-term help for minor problems relaxes you and your child.
How are the lives of children who have difficulty making friendships affected by this situation in the short and long term?
This depends on the severity of the impact on the child, the character of the child, the family, the environment in which he lives and the age of the child.What can be done to avoid difficulties in school life?
With tests and family interviews, the reason for the child's difficulty in establishing relationships with peers is investigated. Consultation plan is made. Methods such as play therapy, music therapy, sand therapy and family counseling can be used. The method we will follow is decided after the diagnosis in the first session. If there is an adolescent or young person who needs help, the counseling plan differs.
Do teachers need to be informed?
Of course! All adults involved in the child's life can help the child.
Is it an advantage or a disadvantage for the child to have siblings or siblings? How does it affect your condition?
It depends on the family. Parental attitudes are an important factor. The fact that the family can talk about their feelings in a calm manner and really want change accelerates the process.
What are the symptoms?
Refusing to go to school, being withdrawn, being overly aggressive, being overly aggressive, using oneself to be accepted by friends ... (excessive obedience to friends, unauthorized purchasing from a store, etc.)
So what is the solution?
Spend regular joint time with your child. Instead of giving advice, listen to your feelings. Accept your feelings. Teach him to empathize. Improve your self-esteem. Teach the limits. If you're still struggling, consult an expert. Do not say "It is a child." Remember, parents and grandmothers can have a hard time accepting their child's problem. The unaccepted problem can lead to bigger problems with each passing day. We diagnose the problem because we also evaluate many professional children like me and me with psychological inventories and tests. The problem, whose source is correctly diagnosed, is resolved as soon as possible.
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