Being a parent is probably one of the most difficult tasks in the world. Raising a child is a lifelong process and almost everyone has an opinion about it. But what is the best way to raise children?
You may know someone who claims to know best the answer to this question, which has been hotly debated for centuries. But when you have a child, all the information told to you and all the suggestions given are erased from your mind and your only goal is to protect that little baby. It is with this instinct that raising children is called helicopter parenting. It is stated that this concept, which has been researched a lot in recent years, helps to raise happy and successful children, and in some cases it can result in the opposite of what is desired.
Am I a Helicopter Parent?
After all, almost every parent wants their child to be happy and healthy. Therefore, when they get an opportunity, they find the idea of making their child's life easier and try to help them. This is actually an instinctive behavior, but it is necessary to know how to adjust the dose. Because, gliding over your child like a helicopter ready to help in any situation, unfortunately, after a point, it can cause more harm than good.
Helicopter parenting is “too much involvement in a child's life”We can define as. This upbringing is in stark contrast to liberal parenting, where independence and self-problem solving are encouraged. There are a number of moves that a helicopter parent tends to do. For example, always being around a child who has learned to ride a bike is a classic example of helicopter parenting. In addition, this upbringing continues not only when your child is young, but also at every stage of his life. The most important thing is to consider how your behavior towards your child will affect him in the future. Of course, every parent wants to make their child's life easier at some point. However, helicopter parenting can prevent the healthy development of the child by making this request regular.
What are the Characteristics of Helicopter Parenting?
There are a number of characteristic and typical features to which this upbringing is unconsciously inclined. These features can be itemized as follows:
- Trying to eliminate even the smallest risks that your child (especially at a very young age) may face.
- Not allowing the child to be alone and play alone.
- Being overly curious about a preschooler's development and constantly seeking feedback from their teacher.
- Not encouraging young children to achieve age-appropriate independence.
- Putting pressure on administrators to have the child in the class of the teacher who is recognized as the “best” in school.
- Choosing people to befriend the child.
- To enroll the child in some activities and courses without the interest and demand of the child.
- Completing the child's projects and assignments so that he or she can get a good grade.
- Not allowing a developmental child to solve his own problems.
Since raising a child is not a process that continues only when your child is young, helicopter parenting is actually a lifelong process. The protective behavior of helicopter parents towards their young and adult children can be exemplified as follows:
- Not allowing the freedom of a young adult to make age-appropriate choices.
- Excessive involvement in both academic and extracurricular activities to protect the child from failure and disappointment.
- Communicate with the teacher of a student with low grades and intervene to rectify the situation.
- To intervene in the conflicts of the child who has problems with his employer in his professional business life.
What Are the Causes of Helicopter Parenting?
There are various reasons underlying the emergence of the helicopter parenting model. The first of these is to worry about the future of the child. Some parents think that every move their child makes and even the smallest decision they make will have a huge impact on their future. Because of this, they always develop the belief that it is safe to glide overhead like a helicopter so that they do not have to struggle in later life.
Another reason that is a very strong trigger is anxiety. Some parents worry a lot and even experience emotional breakdown when they see that something negative has happened to their child or that they are disappointed. In order not to experience these worries, they try to do everything they can to prevent the child from being disappointed beforehand. But they may not realize that hurt and disappointment are also part of life and help a child grow and be more resilient.
People with this parenting style always want to be there, not only in bad situations that may happen to their children, but also in their success. Their children's success is an excellent reason to make them feel like better parents.
One of the most common reasons for this situation is to want their children to experience emotions that they cannot experience themselves. For example, a person who does not receive enough love from his own family or does not feel adequately protected may want his child not to feel this way under any circumstances, and may go to extremes after a point, starting to show intense interest in him. This is actually a purely human emotion and happens to many people.
Does Helicopter Parenting Have Positive Outcomes for Children?
Although it is a concept that has been heard more and more in recent years, the situation of helicopter parenting has been known since the 1960s. This upbringing brings one question to mind. Is helicopter parenting helpful or harmful? The answer to this question is quite long and has many layers. One could argue that this controversial modern parenting style has been beneficial to a certain extent, especially for the parents themselves. Studies have shown that parents who are heavily involved in their children's lives experience more happiness in their lives. Unfortunately, this is not very beneficial for the development of children.
In order for children to thrive, they often need to fail and learn from their mistakes by trial and error. Unfortunately, helicopter parenting limits children's ability to participate in this opportunity. In fact, research suggests that this upbringing may hinder the child's cognitive and emotional development. In addition, this situation can lead to a dangerous level of anxiety in children. College students who report that their parents actively participate in schoolwork or create highly structured environments in their youth are more likely to experience depression and anxiety as adults. Moreover, these pressures are even considered as a violation of the child's rights to freedom. Children who grow up with helicopter parents may have low self-esteem, which can lead to problems such as depression and anxiety later in life. Although it is done for a good cause and with a protective instinct, helicopter parenting can cause children to have difficulties in adulthood and even start using antidepressants.
Another negative result of this upbringing is that it produces children who always get what they want. As a result, children grow up believing they deserve certain privileges. They believe that the whole world will make an effort to help them, as their families do. However, the situation does not usually turn out this way, and encountering the facts can have much more devastating consequences.
How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting
For parents who want their child's well-being and happiness, it can be quite difficult to loosen the reins. But the first thing to know is that giving your child a little more freedom will not make you a bad parent. There are many ways to make your child feel that you are always there without solving all their problems.
- By focusing on the future, you can give your child more space to develop life skills.
- If your child is old enough to handle themselves, try to suppress the urge to intervene and let them tackle the challenges that come their way. For example, after a year, you can stop cleaning your child's room and folding their clothes.
- Do not interfere and support your child's age-appropriate decisions. For example, let a primary school-aged child choose their own hobbies and freely express what subjects they are interested in.
- If there is no life situation, do not interfere with your child's problems with friends or other authority figures in his life and support them to resolve these conflicts on their own.
- Let your child fail, even if you don't want it to.
- Don't get something for her that she couldn't get by her own effort, or somehow make her have it anyway. These situations will enable them to learn how to deal with disappointments in their future lives.
Doing some or all of these behaviors doesn't make you a worse parent. However, it may be beneficial to take a few steps back in order for your child to have a stronger character in the future, to be able to cope with situations that you cannot be with, and to have a healthy psychology. It's also a pretty tiring process for you to glide over their hills, always helping out. Seeing your children as individuals after a point and supporting them to make their own decisions will reduce the burden on both your and their shoulders to a little bit.
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