What does it mean to be a 'mature child' and how does it affect the flow of life?

Did you have a childhood where the elders of your family said, "He is a very mature child for his age" or are you still someone whose parents say, "Our daughter/boy was very mature as a child"? And were such statements always made as a compliment to you? Perhaps 'being more mature than one's age' is still a great and important compliment, a valuable appreciation for many of us... But is it really like that? Is being a child who acts more mature than his age a good thing, is it beneficial, does it contribute to the later years of life? ?

Although such expressions are often presented as a compliment, there may actually be much more complex dynamics behind them. The maturation of children is generally viewed positively in society, but this early maturation can have long-term effects on children. Let's see what's beyond the term "mature beyond your age".

Acting mature for your age and being a 'parentified' child
The phrase 'mature for his age' usually means that a child is more dignified, understanding or responsible than his peers. These children often exhibit behavior that is not expected for their age, being able to communicate with adults more easily or make fewer 'childish' mistakes . Maybe you were such a child, too. You almost never upset your family, you never got into conflict with anyone, you always shared your toys, you always tidied your room, you always obeyed your parents' rules...

That's why you often come across the saying 'our child is more mature than his age'. However, this discourse does not only include observable behavior; It also covers a child's inner world and psychological and emotional development. So, for example, it's much more than just the picture of you being the 'obedient' kid and getting the praise.

Unfortunately, children who are described as mature for their age may spend not only their childhood but also their later years under the influence of this label. Experts state that such a definition causes a constant expectation about those children. These expectations can damage both the personal development and social interactions of children who are considered mature at that age for a lifetime.

It would be appropriate to mention the big sister syndrome in this regard . Because, similarly, being the eldest daughter of the family gives rise to similar expectations in society, and they become members of the family who act or are forced to act more mature than their age. The only difference is gender, children who act mature for their age can also be men. But it is possible to say that generally the older children of the family are exposed to such labeling. The reason is that they mostly take on parentification , that is, the role of parents.

Of course, they do not assume this role consciously and willingly ; Environmental factors and family dynamics assign these roles to them. For example, being a child who takes care of his or her sibling instead of playing games, who constantly helps his or her mother and father to prepare the table while his or her siblings play, or who often hears the phrase "you are the older brother/sister, handle it" in an argument between siblings, may be concrete indicators of parentification . And where all of this comes together, one of the biggest difficulties experienced by parentified and/or 'mature' children is; They cannot live their childhood to the fullest. Because they were never fully children , they were often treated like a small adult rather than a child, maybe they couldn't play enough, their sense of curiosity dulled early.

Unfortunately, responsibilities taken on at an early age can limit children's basic needs such as play and exploration. In addition, since children who act mature for their age are seen by their families as if they were adults , this may prevent them from establishing healthy relationships with their peers. And again, unfortunately, both in childhood and adulthood...

On the other hand, such externally imposed, obligatory or exposed 'maturity' may cause the child to put his own needs and feelings in the background , thus paving the way for him to receive emotional and psychological wounds at a young age. Moreover, it can cause them to suffer mentally as well. Taking responsibility for their siblings and household chores may also increase the mental burden of these children.

So, what can adults who had such a childhood and could not live out their childhood because mature behavior was always expected from them can do today and how can they reduce the effects of this situation?

- First step; Awareness: The first step to any behavior change is gaining awareness. Becoming aware of the responsibilities assumed as a child and understanding where these roles come from can be the starting point of the process. If you had such a role in your childhood, evaluating the aspects that affected your life, especially noticing its negative effects, will accelerate your recovery process.

- Set your boundaries and new role: This process requires a person to identify their current values ​​and set boundaries to create a more aligned role regarding what they want from life. For example, if you always plan all the special days in the family and you love it, you can say that you want to continue this but that it would be better to share the expenses with your sibling, or you can ask him to contribute to the process as much as you do. You can state that you will check your schedule and let them know about the tasks your parents want you to handle. So you can continue to help them on your own time, making plans according to your convenience, not their wishes. All of these will help you redefine your own role today.

- Self-compassion and 'inner child' work: Sometimes developing a curiosity for the things you couldn't do as a child can start an inner healing process. If you wanted to go to the swimming pool with your friends as a child but could not do it, you can start by taking yourself to the pool. Thinking about what the 'little me' of the past would have wanted to do and making it happen can help you feel softer and more comfortable in the present.

Finally, make an effort to develop a kinder attitude towards yourself. If possible, reduce your daily responsibilities a little, be more planned about the times you meet with your family, and make your plans in advance according to your own work and time situation. Finally, don't focus on pleasing everyone, keep doing good for others within your own well-being and happiness.