Finding a lover is becoming increasingly difficult around the world. According to surveys, the decline in interest in dating apps, social changes and the impact of digitalization are making it more difficult to establish and maintain relationships.
All over the world, people are struggling to find a partner. In places as diverse as Iran, Mexico, Peru, South Africa and South Korea, the number of couples is declining.
The number of marriages in China increased from 13 million in 2014 to just over six million in 2024. Surveys in Finland also show that couples who live together are more likely to split up than to start a family.
So why do people from different countries have difficulty forming long-term relationships?
According to BBC Turkish, Felipe, 36, who lives in Santa Catarina, Brazil, says he has never been in a relationship despite trying everything he can to find a partner. Felipe used to write love letters to girls he liked at school, but the responses he received were never encouraging. While at university, he would offer to help girls with their studies in the hope that they would spend more time with him. In his 30s, he started going to therapy to figure out how to connect with women. But none of his attempts have been successful so far.
"I don't know what to do with my love life," says Felipe. He works as a copywriter and spent most of his 20s without a steady job. He thinks this has reduced his chances of impressing women. "But it's not just me," says Felipe; many other men are at a loss and have stopped dating altogether.
According to US data, men aged 18-24 spend more time alone than any other group.
This data is a sharp departure from 20 years ago: 20 years ago, this age group socialized at least as much as people in their 30s and 40s, and far more than those in their 50s and older.
Instead of spending time with others, young people are now surfing social media, playing games and watching television. Felipe’s home country, Brazil, is one of the most social media-using countries in the world.
As people spend more time online, one might expect them to flirt online. However, the use of dating apps is decreasing.
According to market research firm Sensor Tower, downloads of the six largest dating apps are set to fall 18 percent in 2024, the first time downloads have decreased since their launch. Liesel Sharabi, director of the Relationship and Technology Lab at Arizona State University, says users are feeling frustrated, exhausted and overwhelmed by dating apps. Sharabi says the reason for this is the high number of matches.
One problem Sharabi has observed is that there has been little innovation in how users are matched. Most apps have more male users than female. “Men feel ignored, and that can be particularly frustrating,” Sharabi says, and women can be overwhelmed by the number of responses they receive.
Apps reduce the need to take responsibility in dating, Sharabi says, and this can lead to rude or inconsiderate behavior. "When you're constantly swiping left or right, the person you're talking to can feel more like a product than a person."
Hassana, from Abuja, Nigeria, has never used a dating app. “It felt like I was auctioning myself off,” she says. But Hassana also finds offline dating difficult because the pool of men who share her values is small. “I’m a feminist, and the cost of that is that I can no longer turn a blind eye to things,” she says.
Hassana, 26, is a lawyer by training but runs a successful laundromat and an NGO that supports victims of domestic violence. She believes that widespread access to the internet has given women in Nigeria the freedom to report domestic violence more freely than they could before. As a result, her generation is more aware of the dangers of abusive relationships.
Data from surveys in the United States, China, South Korea and parts of Europe show a widening gap between young women, who are increasingly progressive on women's rights in particular, and young men, who are increasingly less progressive.
Sociologist Dr. Alice Evans has dubbed this the great gender divide, and is writing a book about it. She thinks the way we consume content online may be one factor contributing to this. "While women are increasingly able to watch shows about their feminist interests, men may not be progressing at the same pace," she says.
Hassana thinks that's true; she's seen men she's attracted to repeatedly follow social media accounts that share misogynistic views or engage in misogynistic comments.
"It's a little scary," Hassana says.
Nazy, 40, has the same problem in Iran. She is single and has been looking for love for 10 years. "I am a bit of a feminist," she says. "I want to work and earn as much as my partner, but they perceive that as 'he is trying to compete with me.'" But many women's expectations of their partners are still based on traditional conservative roles.
Nazy and Hassana are hesitant to partner with someone who is not as financially capable as they are.
Both women have graduate degrees and strong careers. The pool of men they could consider equal is shrinking. In many countries, there are more female college graduates than males, and girls do better in school than boys.
As stereotypes about loneliness have diminished, Dr. Evans says, it’s also become easier to give up on dating altogether. “The increased availability of quality individual entertainment means that if dating is boring, you can stay home and watch Bridgerton or play video games,” Dr. Evans says. She certainly thinks it’s a good thing that people feel less pressure to make a potentially bad match. But she worries that it’s becoming harder for young people to form bonds.
“When men and women don’t spend time together sharing their intimate thoughts and different perspectives on the world, it becomes harder to empathize,” Dr. Evans says.
Dr. Sharabi, who has researched dating apps, agrees that technology has made real-world connections somewhat unlikely.
"I've had young people tell me that when they see someone cute at a bar, instead of going up to them, they turn to dating apps and look for that person there," he says.
"I think we're avoiding human interaction in a way that we haven't done before."
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