In today's conditions, most of the mothers are working. For this reason, children's lives are rapidly moving away from the protective aura of the home environment and neighborhood culture. The socialization environment, which starts with kindergartens at the age of 2-3, continues with kindergarten and other school environments. Thus, the child gets acquainted with his peers and rules more quickly. These socialization environments are also necessary for the development of the child.
It is necessary to observe the child in his natural environment. So it's helpful to visit and observe your child while he's playing at kindergarten or school. However, it is also important that you cooperate with your child's teacher and institution administration while making these observations.
Parents should regularly play with their child. For this period of time to truly benefit your child, you must be with your child with your mind as well as your soul. I observe that parents who perceive playing with their child as a duty do not communicate well.
Parent's observations during the game guide many issues. You can get an idea about how the child communicates with his peers based on the attitudes he exhibits while playing. It can be thought that he expects some of the attitudes he expects from his parents from his friend. For example, obedience.
However, it should not be forgotten that in the presence of the parent, the child does not exhibit the same attitudes as when communicating with his friend.
It is also very important for parents to communicate with their child's friends at the age of six and beyond. But the most important thing is to actively listen to your child. A loving friend of your child ensures that very important situations in his or her life turn out positively. Therefore, listen actively to your child's close friends. I suggest you establish warm relations with them.
When communicating, you should make sure that the questions you ask are encouraging, not guiding. It is useful to take care that your body language is sincere and unprejudiced.
What are the reasons why children find it difficult to make friends?
Relationships with peers differ by age. Therefore, the reasons for the strain also differ. But basically, the child needs social and communication skills in order to make friends. In addition, his self-confidence and high self-esteem enable him to solve the problems he encounters in relations with his friends. Thus, the child makes himself accepted in the environments he is in.
It is very important to give the child responsibility at home for the child to be self-confident. A child who does not meet boundaries at home may exhibit maladaptive behaviors when faced with boundaries outside the family. It can take the model of communication between parents or a relative within the family. A child who grows up in a home where one side always wins in conflicts may use defensive language all the time to win or not lose.
Someone who doesn't have good experience developing close relationships with people really needs someone's help, understanding, and compassion to develop positive practices.
Sometimes, a child or adolescent with purely positive experiences and self-confidence may also have trouble adjusting to peer relationships. Growing up and discovering changes, having a body that changes every year is a different experience anyway.
If there are several changes in the child's life at the same time, it is normal to have difficulties in the adaptation process. For example, the child of a family who moved from a small city to a city like Istanbul changed both the city culture, school and home. In other words, he left his community or neighborhood friends, the elders he loved in the city he came from, his teacher, his schoolmates and set out to restructure all these relationships. It will take time to adapt. Sometimes it makes the child anxious and angry in the situation that caused the move; like the separation of parents.
The important thing is to overcome the stress and adaptation process with the least damage. Coaching and providing psychological support during this period make the child's life easier. Increases coping power. It strengthens its relations with the environment.Life sometimes limits children, faces limitations and can be very cruel. In these situations, active listening by parents, sometimes grandparents, and teachers is a very important tool to help them accept boundaries and adapt to the harsh realities of life.
Feeling that he is heard and understood, the child can learn to express all his feelings over time and can manage to cope with his negative emotions. However, through active listening, parents also learn a new way of responding to the anger and hostility that children often feel when they don't get what they want.
Is it possible for a child whose mother is in a good relationship and communication with me and other family members to also have difficulties in establishing friendships?A child who is not concerned about being accepted at home and among other members of the family may be a very faint child at school. Children also exhibit different attitudes according to places and people. In this case, it would be a mistake to ignore the problem.
What are the other psychological conditions that can be observed in children who have difficulty in establishing friendships?
Some may have pathological problems such as school failure, nail biting, hair pulling, school phobia, and behavioral problems at school. Sometimes tics and even test anxiety can occur. The main thing is to observe children and adolescents. Because children who are severely excluded by their peers may experience delinquency, depression, hyperactivity and attention problems due to depression, and even suicidal tendencies.
How can parents help their children with friend-making problems?
Parents can first review their relationship with the child. What kind of communication language he uses with his child, what kind of communication language the spouses use... Giving orders and giving advice is a big part of the problems that occur during mutual communication. We react with stereotypes, especially when interpreting children's behavior. However, the important thing is to be able to separate behaviors, judgments and emotions. The most important thing is to be able to talk about feelings. How many times a day do you say “do/don't” to your child, how often do you say “what made you happy/unhappy today?” you ask?
What can be done to motivate children when their attempts to make friends fail?
Individual characteristics of children are effective in making friends. Children who are intelligent, cooperative, friendly and sensitive to the needs of other children are more easily accepted in the social environment. In this case, asking questions that will make them realize their own good qualities strengthens the child. It can also help the child foster and develop feelings of empathy, kindness, social cohesion, and self-restraint. The child is told that making friends is a skill that can be learned.
At what stage should a specialist be consulted?
I think going to a specialist for psychological and family counseling support should be like going to your dentist for the care of your non-rotten tooth. It should be done without major problems. The important thing is to receive developmental and preventive counseling support and to raise healthy individuals. Receiving short-term help with minor problems will put you and your child at ease.
How will the lives of children who have difficulty making friends be affected by this situation in the short and long term?
This varies according to the severity of the effect on the child, the character of the child, his family, the environment in which he lives and the age of the child.What can be done to avoid difficulties in school life?
With tests and family interviews, the reason for the child's difficulty in establishing relationships with peers is investigated. Consultation plan is made. Methods such as play therapy, music therapy, sand therapy and family counseling can be applied. The method to follow is decided after the diagnosis in the first session. The counseling plan differs if it is an adolescent or teenager who needs help.
Is it necessary to inform teachers?
Of course! All adults involved in the child's life can help the child.
Is it an advantage or a disadvantage for the child to have a sibling or siblings? How does it affect your condition?
It varies by family. Parental attitudes are an important factor. The family's ability to calmly talk about their feelings and genuinely want change speeds up the process.What are the symptoms?
Refusal to go to school, withdrawing, being overly active, being overly aggressive, making friends use themselves to be accepted… (excessive obedience to friends, buying products from a store without permission, etc.)
So what is the solution?
Spend regular joint time with your child. Listen to their feelings instead of giving advice. Accept their feelings. Teach him to empathize. Develop self-esteem. Teach limits. If you are still struggling, consult an expert. Don't say "it's a child it passes". Remember, parents and grandparents can have a hard time accepting their child's problem. Unaccepted problem can lead to bigger problems with each passing day. We diagnose the problem because we also evaluate many professional children, like myself, with psychological inventories and tests. The problem, whose source is correctly identified, is solved as soon as possible.
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